I am one of those people who fits into a strange category of pro-life & pro-choice...I have experienced every possible outcome that a pregnancy gives, and I see (and appreciate) what each outcome has done for me.
I had a few pregnancy scares when I was 15, and ended up pregnant at 16 with my oldest son. I chose to place him for adoption because I was so unprepared...unready to be a mom. I don't regret my decision, and I'm lucky enough to have a continued relationship with him (and his parents).
I had a miscarriage when I was 18. Thank GOD I had a miscarriage, because I didn't want to have another kid...and at that time I was strictly pro-life.
I got married and had my son, V, when I was 20. He is such a blessing, but it solidified the fact that placing my first son for adoption was right...I was still struggling as a parent even though I was married, older, all that. But I wouldn't trade V for the world.
I had 2 more miscarriages between when I separated from V's dad to when I got pregnant by my ex fiance (and I don't want to bother coming up with a nickname for him). He was abusive (mostly verbal, but the physical stuff was quite intense), and I had been so desperate for someone to love me that I put my son and I in a horrible situation. Then, realizing what an idiot I'd been, I wanted to leave...and found out I was pregnant. Great...now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I go through the pregnancy, deal with the relationship (and hope that it gets better)? Do I go through the pregnancy and deal with visitation/custody arrangements, and have yet another baby daddy? Do I place this child for adoption because I cannot possibly support 2 children on my own...and if I place this child for adoption, signing away my rights, will my ex try to get custody of the kid? WHAT DO I DO!??!?!?
After a HORRIBLE fight, I was rescued by my mom...and moved back in with my parents. Well...that answers the whole "Do I stay in the relationship" question. Now I'm pregnant, hormonal, emotional, single mom of 1 with another on the way. Unemployed. Living in my parents basement. What a life, right? My ex was calling me, screaming at me, threatening me...telling me that he'd take the baby and run away if I ever thought about placing it for adoption.
I didn't (don't) trust him...his father physically assaulted him, in front of me, and he had been abused by his father throughout his whole life. It's what he was raised in...and I, myself, was abused by my own father. So I was desperate to make sure that this child would never have to go through the throes of abuse. No child deserves to be abused. But I also couldn't flee state, since V goes to his dad every other weekend (and I would never want to keep V from his dad). So there was no hiding away until the adoption went through. I didn't want to be abused any more, I didn't want V to be scared, I didn't want this baby in my belly to be harmed or ever have to deal with the fear that I've deal with.
So I chose to have an abortion. I don't regret it. It happened right on the 12 week mark. It hurt. I lied to people, saying I'd suffered a miscarriage (I'm friends with my ex's sister...she is a great lady...I feel guilty that I've never told her the truth). But I couldn't see this child growing up without her (I feel like it would have been a girl) father probably (not potentially, but probably) abusing her. I refuse to put my child in that situation, and I battled with my emotional demons. I WANTED to place this child for adoption, but knew that things could get really ugly really fast. So I had an abortion. It took me a year to finally admit to my mom that I'd had an abortion...I know she wasn't happy with me, but I am glad that she seemed to understand the reasoning behind it. Just as I was so unready to be a mom at 16, I was incapable of having this child...
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Wow...deep post, eh? What brought it up? Why, this video: http://elitedaily.com/women/woman-films-her-abortion-procedure-to-use-as-a-counseling-tool-video/
I understand it's her choice, but I feel that the girl who recorded her abortion did it as a form of birth control. That is what a lot of pro-life people are fighting against...and I agree with them, in that form. Use birth control, place for adoption, become a mom and figure it out...but I also feel that there are more situations than rape/incest/birth defects/death of mother or child if pregnancy continues that warrant an abortion. My example is one. I feel validated that I did the right thing. I do wonder, sometimes, what would have happened if I'd had the baby. What would she look like? What would have happened in regards to custody? Would I be married to my husband, since our relationship started around the same time I had the abortion? What would have happened?!?!?
But those questions are things I sorta dealt with after placing my son for adoption. I never thought I'd see him again. I wondered, for a while, what kind of mother I'd have been. So it's similar, in the end, to how I felt with both outcomes - adoption and abortion. I no longer had a child to hold, but I did what I felt was best in the given situation.
At least I didn't use an abortion as birth control. *GROWL*
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