I was just called a heartless (insert expletive) due to a comment I placed in a blog. Sorry...but if it comes between my family having food to eat, a roof over our heads, and taking care of the things that are a basic necessity of life...and rescuing a dog from being put down, and then being homeless and blaming it on the government...I'll let the dog go over the rainbow bridge.
My bad for having the priorities that I've got. But you go on with your homeless self, struggling to find anyone who can house you and your 2 pitbulls, and let your kids live with other family members while you sort life out. I'll just be over here...cuddling my kids, knowing where my head will lay at night, and thinking to the future when I'll be able to rescue a few animals from the shelter and give them a stable place to live. It can't happen now, and so I won't let my life go into ruins just to save the life of a dog. Or a cat. Or any animal.
I love animals. I'd rather they not get put down. But my kids deserve to be my priority, not an animal that I don't know.
*end rant*
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
I've not forgotten...
I have thought about this blog quite a bit over the last few weeks, but every time I get to typing up the blog post my brain goes blank. Whoops...
I've been dealing with a lot of frustration and upset, but it's been sprinkled with lots of blessings and happy times. I didn't get the promotion I was hoping for, nor did I get any of the part time jobs I applied for (apparently I'm too qualified for them...go figure?). But my husband did get a job, and has interviewed for an even better paying position. So here's hoping we can get more income coming in.
I've also been dealing with the weirdest acne. I've never had perfectly clear skin, but it's sure been close...and then the last month or so I've had zits popping up EVERYWHERE. In my hair, on my ear lobe, on the corners of my mouth...it's like I've regressed in age (on my face) but not in a "Hey, did you get work done?" but more of a "Holy shit, you've not outgrown that YET?!"
UGH!
No matter what I've been dealing with I've not been allowed to fall down, and it's because of friends and family that my family and I have been floating as well as we have. Still struggling with the financial aspect of life, but we'll figure it out.
I think the thing I should work on with myself is to complain less and be grateful more. I don't generally complain without pointing out a silver lining, or saying something positive in light of a negative time. But I also notice that I've been complaining more. So I'm going to focus on being more positive. Maybe being more positive will put more positive joojoo in my life? One can hope!
I've been dealing with a lot of frustration and upset, but it's been sprinkled with lots of blessings and happy times. I didn't get the promotion I was hoping for, nor did I get any of the part time jobs I applied for (apparently I'm too qualified for them...go figure?). But my husband did get a job, and has interviewed for an even better paying position. So here's hoping we can get more income coming in.
I've also been dealing with the weirdest acne. I've never had perfectly clear skin, but it's sure been close...and then the last month or so I've had zits popping up EVERYWHERE. In my hair, on my ear lobe, on the corners of my mouth...it's like I've regressed in age (on my face) but not in a "Hey, did you get work done?" but more of a "Holy shit, you've not outgrown that YET?!"
UGH!
No matter what I've been dealing with I've not been allowed to fall down, and it's because of friends and family that my family and I have been floating as well as we have. Still struggling with the financial aspect of life, but we'll figure it out.
I think the thing I should work on with myself is to complain less and be grateful more. I don't generally complain without pointing out a silver lining, or saying something positive in light of a negative time. But I also notice that I've been complaining more. So I'm going to focus on being more positive. Maybe being more positive will put more positive joojoo in my life? One can hope!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Life is crazy!
A few updates will be included in this post.
* April 8, 2014 - My biological father has been released from prison. I went to sleep shortly after learning about this, and guess who didn't have a nightmare! I hope he has finally learned his lesson, and that he doesn't hurt anyone else. I hope that he does well, and that I never have to see him again. I am amazed at how HEALED I feel...I don't like him, but I've actually grown past the hate. The parole hearing, visiting the apartment where the abuse occurred, and everything else...I'm finally over it! Yeah, my heart skipped a beat when I learned he was released. But that's it. I didn't cry, I didn't have a nightmare, and I am not afraid of him.
It's about freaking time!
* I interviewed today for a part time clerical job, through a temp. agency. I was honest and let my friend, who referred me there and did the interview process, know that if I get the work from home opportunity that I applied for that I'll be taking that...it pays more, and the commute is awesome (work from couch, anyone?!) But I also think I'll be an amazing fit doing this clerical work, so we'll see if I get it.
* I am one of two people who will be interviewing to be a graveyard shift lead at my job (my full time juvenile corrections one). The other person who is interviewing is someone I respect, and so if I lose to them I won't be sad. I do want the promotion, but at least it's someone I like and adore that would get it if I don't.
* My husband is still unemployed, but he has been actively pursuing all opportunities that he qualifies for. He even applied to be a security guard. I hope that we hear back from a job, ANY job, soon. I love my husband, and am grateful that he's not dicking around and will be employed soon. But it is stressful, and I know that he will feel better when he's back to work.
* I am getting the part time job so that I can apply that income to my student loans. I want to get on top of that, and hopefully find a way to either consolidate the loans...1 payment would be AWESOME.
I can't believe it's 5am and I'm awake right now, but I am...so I guess I'll finish installing programs, since I just had to reformat my computer. Once I get V off to school then I'll take a nap. Sounds like a plan.
Exciting life I lead, eh?
* April 8, 2014 - My biological father has been released from prison. I went to sleep shortly after learning about this, and guess who didn't have a nightmare! I hope he has finally learned his lesson, and that he doesn't hurt anyone else. I hope that he does well, and that I never have to see him again. I am amazed at how HEALED I feel...I don't like him, but I've actually grown past the hate. The parole hearing, visiting the apartment where the abuse occurred, and everything else...I'm finally over it! Yeah, my heart skipped a beat when I learned he was released. But that's it. I didn't cry, I didn't have a nightmare, and I am not afraid of him.
It's about freaking time!
* I interviewed today for a part time clerical job, through a temp. agency. I was honest and let my friend, who referred me there and did the interview process, know that if I get the work from home opportunity that I applied for that I'll be taking that...it pays more, and the commute is awesome (work from couch, anyone?!) But I also think I'll be an amazing fit doing this clerical work, so we'll see if I get it.
* I am one of two people who will be interviewing to be a graveyard shift lead at my job (my full time juvenile corrections one). The other person who is interviewing is someone I respect, and so if I lose to them I won't be sad. I do want the promotion, but at least it's someone I like and adore that would get it if I don't.
* My husband is still unemployed, but he has been actively pursuing all opportunities that he qualifies for. He even applied to be a security guard. I hope that we hear back from a job, ANY job, soon. I love my husband, and am grateful that he's not dicking around and will be employed soon. But it is stressful, and I know that he will feel better when he's back to work.
* I am getting the part time job so that I can apply that income to my student loans. I want to get on top of that, and hopefully find a way to either consolidate the loans...1 payment would be AWESOME.
I can't believe it's 5am and I'm awake right now, but I am...so I guess I'll finish installing programs, since I just had to reformat my computer. Once I get V off to school then I'll take a nap. Sounds like a plan.
Exciting life I lead, eh?
Sunday, April 6, 2014
I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
Holy shit - I'm pretty!
I am blessed. Blessed with a wonderful family that reminds me that I will NEVER be homeless, friends that come out of the woodwork to assist me in getting the things I desperately need, and a husband who loves me so much...I am in AWE over just how truly blessed I am.
I'm not a religious person, but am quite spiritual. I believe in karma, no matter how I feel about the slaps I seem to get in life. I do believe there is good in everything, but sometimes it's hard to see it. But above all else...I really do believe in me. I may doubt myself sometimes, but I somehow manage to pull myself up off the ground and kick some ass. I'm not perfect, but I will never stop trying to make myself better.
Thank-you. Everyone. Thank-you for being the reminders that I can do something right, that I am worthy of love and happiness, and that everything will be ok.
I LOVE YOU!
Friday, April 4, 2014
Unloading...
This post will be slightly random, all over the place, but is a general unloading of my mind. Enjoy(?)!
* I hope that my current issues with Sallie Mae do not prevent me from completing my Masters degree. I'm already this far in the freaking hole, let me graduate this November!
* Sallie Mae calls me 7 - 10 times a day, and it doesn't seem to matter to them that I've asked for a forbearance...I'm broke, my husband is unemployed, I'm looking into getting a part time job (in addition to my current job) so that I can afford to make some sort of payment...I'm TRYING. I didn't accrue this debt just to play phone tag for the rest of my life. I fully intend to pay it back. But holy EFFING HELL! I wish someone would gift me the funds to pay this off...or that a place would give me, and my poor credit, a consolidation loan...so I only have to worry about one phone call to make a payment. But FU*K me and my inability to pay attention to the costs that I was accruing...I'm 100k+ in the hole, and it's just going to keep growing with interest. :-(
* My husband is STILL unemployed. A month later, after submitting for NUMEROUS jobs, he's still unemployed. I know he's trying. I know that...but we really need to have him get into a job that won't freaking lay him off. He's had 6 jobs in the last 4 years, and he's been laid off every time (minus one that he quit because they didn't give him a schedule that worked with me getting to work, and him having time with kids). UGH!
* I applied to be a shift lead at my current job, and plan to stay at my current job for the forseeable future. I'm good at it, and I don't mind the people I work with. It's stable, and at least I have something stable in this sea of chaos. I'm hoping that I'm the one chosen to be shift lead, because that will increase my pay $1-$2/hr. Not much, but something! Anything!
* I make too much to get on food stamps, unless I'm willing to go after my sons father through ORS. I don't want to screw my ex and his family, causing them to be hit with horrid financial crisis...I don't want to fight with them, because my son and his father have a good relationship and I refuse to ruin it with potential chaos. But it sucks that food stamps won't help my family because of this. :-( It's to the point that I'm thinking of trying to find time to volunteer @ a church thing so that I can ask the local Bishop for food help. I don't like using help from a church that I don't go to, or particularly believe it. But I need to make sure my family doesn't go hungry, and I'm willing to volunteer my time to show that I am appreciative of the help. Just...gotta...find...time.
* I've been having these nasty headaches, which are probably stress related. I've also been dealing with strange chest tightening/flutters. All probably panic attack induced, but still scary. The insurance I carry through my work is bullcrap, but it was good enough to keep me on the good insurance my husband had at his last job. Now we're not covered under a good plan in the whole HealthCare Act, nor can we afford to sign up for something that would qualify under the freaking act, and I am afraid to go to a hospital and gain yet another bill...just...AUGH!
I just need prayers...prayers and monetary gifts...well, I will survive without the monetary gifts (though they would be much appreciated)...but I just need as much help as possible to get through this rough chapter in my life. My family is amazing, my husband is doing everything he can, and I know we'll be ok in the end. But the struggle right now is a pain in the freaking ARSE!
* I hope that my current issues with Sallie Mae do not prevent me from completing my Masters degree. I'm already this far in the freaking hole, let me graduate this November!
* Sallie Mae calls me 7 - 10 times a day, and it doesn't seem to matter to them that I've asked for a forbearance...I'm broke, my husband is unemployed, I'm looking into getting a part time job (in addition to my current job) so that I can afford to make some sort of payment...I'm TRYING. I didn't accrue this debt just to play phone tag for the rest of my life. I fully intend to pay it back. But holy EFFING HELL! I wish someone would gift me the funds to pay this off...or that a place would give me, and my poor credit, a consolidation loan...so I only have to worry about one phone call to make a payment. But FU*K me and my inability to pay attention to the costs that I was accruing...I'm 100k+ in the hole, and it's just going to keep growing with interest. :-(
* My husband is STILL unemployed. A month later, after submitting for NUMEROUS jobs, he's still unemployed. I know he's trying. I know that...but we really need to have him get into a job that won't freaking lay him off. He's had 6 jobs in the last 4 years, and he's been laid off every time (minus one that he quit because they didn't give him a schedule that worked with me getting to work, and him having time with kids). UGH!
* I applied to be a shift lead at my current job, and plan to stay at my current job for the forseeable future. I'm good at it, and I don't mind the people I work with. It's stable, and at least I have something stable in this sea of chaos. I'm hoping that I'm the one chosen to be shift lead, because that will increase my pay $1-$2/hr. Not much, but something! Anything!
* I make too much to get on food stamps, unless I'm willing to go after my sons father through ORS. I don't want to screw my ex and his family, causing them to be hit with horrid financial crisis...I don't want to fight with them, because my son and his father have a good relationship and I refuse to ruin it with potential chaos. But it sucks that food stamps won't help my family because of this. :-( It's to the point that I'm thinking of trying to find time to volunteer @ a church thing so that I can ask the local Bishop for food help. I don't like using help from a church that I don't go to, or particularly believe it. But I need to make sure my family doesn't go hungry, and I'm willing to volunteer my time to show that I am appreciative of the help. Just...gotta...find...time.
* I've been having these nasty headaches, which are probably stress related. I've also been dealing with strange chest tightening/flutters. All probably panic attack induced, but still scary. The insurance I carry through my work is bullcrap, but it was good enough to keep me on the good insurance my husband had at his last job. Now we're not covered under a good plan in the whole HealthCare Act, nor can we afford to sign up for something that would qualify under the freaking act, and I am afraid to go to a hospital and gain yet another bill...just...AUGH!
I just need prayers...prayers and monetary gifts...well, I will survive without the monetary gifts (though they would be much appreciated)...but I just need as much help as possible to get through this rough chapter in my life. My family is amazing, my husband is doing everything he can, and I know we'll be ok in the end. But the struggle right now is a pain in the freaking ARSE!
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