Unloading...

This post will be slightly random, all over the place, but is a general unloading of my mind.  Enjoy(?)!

* I hope that my current issues with Sallie Mae do not prevent me from completing my Masters degree.  I'm already this far in the freaking hole, let me graduate this November!

* Sallie Mae calls me 7 - 10 times a day, and it doesn't seem to matter to them that I've asked for a forbearance...I'm broke, my husband is unemployed, I'm looking into getting a part time job (in addition to my current job) so that I can afford to make some sort of payment...I'm TRYING.  I didn't accrue this debt just to play phone tag for the rest of my life.  I fully intend to pay it back.  But holy EFFING HELL!  I wish someone would gift me the funds to pay this off...or that a place would give me, and my poor credit, a consolidation loan...so I only have to worry about one phone call to make a payment.  But FU*K me and my inability to pay attention to the costs that I was accruing...I'm 100k+ in the hole, and it's just going to keep growing with interest.  :-(

* My husband is STILL unemployed.  A month later, after submitting for NUMEROUS jobs, he's still unemployed.  I know he's trying.  I know that...but we really need to have him get into a job that won't freaking lay him off.  He's had 6 jobs in the last 4 years, and he's been laid off every time (minus one that he quit because they didn't give him a schedule that worked with me getting to work, and him having time with kids).  UGH!

* I applied to be a shift lead at my current job, and plan to stay at my current job for the forseeable future.  I'm good at it, and I don't mind the people I work with.  It's stable, and at least I have something stable in this sea of chaos.  I'm hoping that I'm the one chosen to be shift lead, because that will increase my pay $1-$2/hr.  Not much, but something!  Anything!

* I make too much to get on food stamps, unless I'm willing to go after my sons father through ORS.  I don't want to screw my ex and his family, causing them to be hit with horrid financial crisis...I don't want to fight with them, because my son and his father have a good relationship and I refuse to ruin it with potential chaos.  But it sucks that food stamps won't help my family because of this.  :-(  It's to the point that I'm thinking of trying to find time to volunteer @ a church thing so that I can ask the local Bishop for food help.  I don't like using help from a church that I don't go to, or particularly believe it.  But I need to make sure my family doesn't go hungry, and I'm willing to volunteer my time to show that I am appreciative of the help.  Just...gotta...find...time.

* I've been having these nasty headaches, which are probably stress related.  I've also been dealing with strange chest tightening/flutters.  All probably panic attack induced, but still scary.  The insurance I carry through my work is bullcrap, but it was good enough to keep me on the good insurance my husband had at his last job.  Now we're not covered under a good plan in the whole HealthCare Act, nor can we afford to sign up for something that would qualify under the freaking act, and I am afraid to go to a hospital and gain yet another bill...just...AUGH!

I just need prayers...prayers and monetary gifts...well, I will survive without the monetary gifts (though they would be much appreciated)...but I just need as much help as possible to get through this rough chapter in my life.  My family is amazing, my husband is doing everything he can, and I know we'll be ok in the end.  But the struggle right now is a pain in the freaking ARSE!