Guilt sucks!

So today is the day that the funeral for Thing 1's husband.  I have been having this weird battle with emotions (partly due to Prozac, partly due to my conscience).  I know that he emotionally hurt Thing 1, and I know her reasoning behind the divorce she was going to go through with.  But her husband died.  Her son is left without a father.  I feel guilty for judging this guy, only knowing one side of his story.  Yes, he hid his alcoholism from a lot of people.  But what caused him to think drinking was the way?  What made him hide it?  Was it shame, or something else?  He's dead, and so we'll never really know what was going on.

And I feel bad.  My heart is breaking for Thing 1 in so many ways...and I wish I knew what I could do to help her.

I have wanted to cry, because there's a lot of other stressors that have been piling on me...but I can't seem to get myself to cry.  Is it the Prozac making me numb to crying?  I'm not sure.  Is it just me being me, and trying to be strong even though I think I don't want to be?  I don't know.  I just know that I'm a big ball of emotional blah, and I don't see this blah being relieved any time soon.

I talked to my boss today and told him that I am taking tonight off of work.  I called my friend, Rainbow Bright, to see if she'll cover my shift for me tonight.  Left voicemail, and sent a text.  Here's hoping she can go in, and I don't leave work in a complete lurch.  But I need a mental health day off work...I've got so much going on today that I cannot possibly be expected to function at work tonight.  I LOVE the fact that Rainbow Bright works with me, and so I hope that this works out.

I will be going to the viewing, and potentially the funeral, for Thing 1's husband.  I don't do well with dead people and dead people things, but I want to be there for my friend.  I have a dentist appointment today.  I need to somehow manage to get to these things, get my husband to work, and then somehow function as MOM when the kids come home from school.

GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH!  Oh...and please help me through this horribly guilty feeling that I am dealing with.  I hate this feeling!